.: Home

Sunday, October 26, 2008

A GOD STORY

The story of how we met

Every year around October, I head out to U of I for CFC?s annual Revival. When I go, I usually stay with my close friend Danny Tang. Danny and I had been accountability partners back when I was a student at U of I and amidst the wrestling to love God more and fighting our sins, we often came across the topic of girls. =P We?d often joke with each other that we?re not praying and fasting hard enough for each other and that?s why we?re both still single =P. When I had booked my tickets for Revival that year and contacted him
asking if I could stay over, it was no different. Our conversation went something like this:

Danny: Hey.. you married yet?
Me: Nope.. obviously, you haven?t been praying hard enough for me.
Danny: Actually?

Apparently, Danny had someone in mind he wanted to introduce to me. Now you have to understand something about me.. I?m not a fan of setups. I was always very happy to hear when my friends got setup, but deep down, I?d always chuckle a little. God seems to have a sense of humor =P. I told Danny not to even tell me who it was and that I wasn?t interested at all. His response: ?ok whatever?

Fast forward a few months. At revival, its tradition that I hang out with Danny?s small group? he has this weird habit of printing out SG pictures for me so I can post it on my wall to pray for them.. he calls it ?drive-by-praying?. Anyway, after the second night of Revival (Friday, Oct 19, 2007), I get a call from him shortly after revival saying "hey.. my small group is hanging out in the tunnels at CRH.. just knock on the door and someone will open up... make sure you?re there." I didn?t think much of it and as I walked in, I introduced myself: "Hi, I?m Bow-Nan.. from New Jersey.. I?m an alumni visiting for the weekend." As I said that, from across the room, someone else said "Oh! I?m an alumni too!" Something in my mind clicked.. this was the girl Danny wanted to introduce me to!!... and because I?m not really smooth.. I scuffled to the opposite side of the room and made conversation with the guys.. deathly avoiding her. Toward the end of the night, Danny was giving out ride assignments, and he cleverly said "hey.. Bow-Nan, can you ride with Curtis (Alice?s ride)? I need to drive SG people home!" and on the ride back, we talked briefly. That night while Danny and I were chatting before we slept, I asked him: "So.. is Alice the girl you wanted to introduce me to?" to which he responded "Yup!" Trying to be *cool*, I responded "she seems like a nice girl"..

That weekend, Alice and I didn?t talk very much. Aside from the brief conversation on the car ride back, the only other time we talked briefly was Sunday after church when all of us went out to eat together... needless to say? I was VERY interested =P. So much so that when I got home from Revival, the first thing I did was call my mom and say "mom.. so I met this nice Taiwanese girl.. Danny wants to introduce me to her.. can you pray about it?" To which she responded... "OK! Send me a picture of her!!" (I later found out she had printed this picture and put it on top of her computer.. oh mom =P)



After we got back from Revival, we "friended" everyone in Danny?s small group and started exchanging facebook messages. One message lead to another... led to emails... led to AIM conversations. We found out that oddly enough, we had a lot of things in common: We were both Taiwanese (and our families were both very pro-Taiwan)? our family backgrounds and upbringing were very similar (she had an older brother too and two solid Christian parents while I had a younger sister and two solid Christian parents)... we did the same ministries in college? just different semesters? went to the same missions trip (Inner City Chicago).. just different years? both were out-of-staters at U of I (her family was from Omaha Nebraska)? both wanted to stay for a little longer after graduation, but got rejected from U of I for grad school? a lot of things.

About 3 weeks into knowing her, as odd as it is to say, I was pretty sure she was the one God had prepared for me? and so.. I asked her the question that if you?ve spent *any* time at CFC, you?d know that this is the universal "I?m interested in you" question: "Where do you feel like God is calling you in your life? What do you get excited about?" For me, I wanted to make sure we were moving in the same direction and I knew that there were 2 things I feel "called" to... things that I just get really excited and passionate about. The first is teaching/training. Looking at the opportunities God?s given me in the past and the direction He?s bringing me, I feel very strongly that He wants me to play some sort of  teaching/training role.. this could mean teaching Sunday school.. or teaching at a university.. or working with setting up different ministries. The second thing I felt God was calling me to is family. I feel very strongly that family is 50% of my ministry and I want to really be a good husband to my wife and a great father to my kids. If she was called to overseas missions... or called to become a CEO and work and travel like crazy, then we probably wouldn?t be a good fit. It?s not to say that God might not call me to something like
overseas missions.. but in the near-term, I do not see that.

She answered that she gets excited working with youth.. and that for her, family was very important. It was a match! :)

Every year, we go out to OIL Retreat in Montrose, PA. A lot of people from U of I caravan out and so during one of our conversations, I asked Alice whether she was planning on caravanning out for OIL or whether she was going to fly out. I also suggested that if she flew out, I could pick her up from the airport and since Danny usually hangs out in the east coast a few days after OIL, that if she wanted to, she could join us and I could find a place for her to stay. So only 2 months after we met before we started courting, she flew out for OIL and met my parents and she and Danny stayed a few days after OIL to hangout. Needless to say, my parents loved her immediately!



My original plan was to use the days following OIL to ask her if she?d be willing to pray about allowing me to court her.. but... at OIL, I got convicted that God wanted me to wait. There were specific reasons I felt like He wanted me to wait: 1) I was not done with my studies yet.. and I knew that that semester would be work-intensive with my defense and thesis due. 2) I didn?t have a job yet.. so how would I even support a family? In addition, I wasn?t sure which part of the country I?d be in yet. 3) I wanted to finish off the last semester with my fellowship and church well and really invest in them before I left.

I wanted to convey my thoughts to her (in an indirect way of course).. and so while we were sharing about what we learned at OIL, I shared that I felt God wanted me to wait on a few things? things like job... future family... etc. Later on, she told me she got the message. :)

A few months later, I flew out to Chicago and we took the train down to U of I for a lockin. The Saturday after lockin (April 19, 2008), we took a walk around campus and ended up on one of the benches near the undergraduate library. As we were walking, the sky was a bit dark and gloomy.. it looked like it was about to rain. I?d planned to ask her if she?d be willing to pray about allowing me to court her that afternoon.. but there were major butterflies in my stomach ;) Finally... I figured I should probably say something before it started raining... and so I started:

Alice... there?s something I?ve been praying about for the past few months... I went on to explain that I felt like there were 4 main reasons I thought we were a good match: 1) Culturally, we were very similar with our family background, church experience, etc. 2) I felt like in terms of direction God was moving both of us, we matched well in terms of calling and things we got excited about in ministry... 3) Timing seemed really good? I had just finished my thesis and defense... and I had a job lined up? she had already been working for 3-4 years and was in essentially a "holding-pattern"... and 4) I felt like we could really serve together. And so on that afternoon, I asked her "would you be willing to pray about allowing me to court you?" To which she responded shyly "ok!" When I?d
finished talking... the sky had cleared and it was bright and sunny? we often joke with each other that Jesus did us a favor that day. :)

What?s amazing is that after our feelings were "out in the open", we started sharing about what we felt during each occasion. The day after Revival 2007, I called my mom saying that I had met a nice Taiwanese girl that loves God and asked my mom to pray about it. Well it turns out that the day after, Alice had done the exact same thing! It was amazing to hear that both of our families and extended families had already been praying in earnestness for both of us 6 months before we even started courting! We talked about when we were thinking about getting married (we were both pretty sure and I was thinking 1-1.5 years)... and as I asked her, she shyly said "a year.. year and a half?"... another match! I went on to share that I felt called to be in Boston.. and she responded that she figured that and was already planning to start looking for jobs as soon as I moved out there. That day, we also set boundaries? things like no lip kissing until our wedding and the like.



Things moved really quickly after that... my mom called her mom a week later to introduce herself... the same summer, I went to Taiwan and visited her grandma and aunt and uncle... then when I came back, I flew out to Omaha to visit her parents. In September of this year, my parents flew out to Omaha to meet her parents. Things were so clear and moved quickly with the support of our friends, Pastors, and immediate and extended family. Praise God!

Looking back, I?m just amazed at how God works. How I?d end up with a Taiwanese girl who loves God and who?s family loves God from Omaha Nebraska just blows my mind. When I think about our relationship, the thing I?m most blessed and challenged by is how intimate God?s hand was at work in preparing both of us and working things out. Had we met a year earlier, things probably wouldn?t have worked out? He?s the one that brought us together at the right time and place? prepared both of us for when we?d meet... and we are confident that He will be the one that sustains our relationship. Our confidence is not in the fact that we can be a good husband or a good spouse? or that we can, by our own strength, grow our future family, our confidence and hope is that God spent a lot of energy bringing us together and He has a plan for us. Thank You Jesus!!

==============================================

The Proposal

I had known how I wanted to propose to my future wife several years back.. the idea popped into my mind while I was taking a network security class. Although I kept it in the back of my mind (with the details to be fleshed out)... I was glad when I met Alice that she was just as dorky as I was and the knew plan would work :)

While we were courting, we had exchanged hand-written letters. The past weekend, I flew out to U of I for Revival and as part of our time together, I suggested that we take out all the letters we?ve exchanged and go to the place I had asked her out, and re-read the letters again to each other to "celebrate" us meeting at Revival 2007. What she did not know was that I had written a letter when we first started courting and "encoded" it into each letter I wrote her. It was also convenient that that Sunday was October 19, 2008... exactly 6 months from when I asked her out (Saturday April 19, 2008) and exactly 1 year from when I met her (Friday October 19, 2007)... this was totally a God thing as I didn?t even realize it until after we started courting and had prayed for a date God wanted me to propose on.

Anyway, after church and lunch on Sunday, we took a walk and "ended up" where I asked her out and started re-reading our letters to each other. After we finished reading all the letters, I told her I had written another letter for her. Then, I took all the letters I wrote her over the course of the past 6 months, put them in chronological order, and asked her to read the first word of each line going down silently, as i read it out loud. 20-25 pages later? the last line read "will you marry me?" By the time I got to the last few sentences, she had already started crying... so when I popped the question, she just kept nodding... of course later on she said ?yes? :)



The second surprise was that her parents drove in from Omaha and my parents and sister flew out from the east coast and we had a nice meal together as one family! I have to say.. it was a bit odd to have to call Alice?s parents "mom and dad"... but I suppose I?ll
get used to it!~ :)



When I look back at our time together... all I can see is God. This has been "A God Story" from the beginning and its our prayer that our lives will be "A God Story" no matter where He takes us in the future. Though there are ups and downs, we are so thankful that He?s worked everything out and continues to work everything out for His glory. Please continue to pray for us!!

============

Here's the letter i "encoded" into her letters :)

Dear Alice,

It was exactly one year ago on this very day October 19 and on this very campus that we met. Although we did not talk much that weekend, I remember leaving with a deep sense of God?s amazing love. I had struggled a lot with what God had in store for me and in particular, who He had prepared for me to serve with. After meeting you, I just kept thinking that if someone as great as you existed, then surely God had someone just as awesome prepared for me.

One thing lead to another and six months later, on April 19, I asked you if you?d allow me to court you. At the time, I had reasoned and shared 4 things on why I felt we were a good match: it seemed that we were moving in the same direction in terms of calling and what we got excited about, it seemed that our backgrounds were very similar both culturally and spiritually, it seemed as though timing was very good in terms of life-stage, and it seemed as though we were compatible in serving together ? we?d be a great team. From my own perspective, everything looked great. Little did I know that God had already been at work long before. That day, you shared with me how like me, you had called your mom shortly after Revival weekend to ask her to pray about me. When I heard that you and your extended family, like mine, had been praying for this for 6 months, I was once again floored by how God worked!

Today, exactly 6 months later, despite many struggles and failures, I feel even more strongly than ever before that we were meant for each other. I cannot imagine anyone else I?d rather grow old with. You have been my support, my treasure, and my joy and I am just blown away that God would allow me the privilege of serving with you. I said once that I couldn?t promise you a nice house in the suburbs... or a comfortable life... but one thing I promise? is to love God with everything and let His love flow to you. Today, I reiterate that promise. Alice, I love you. Will you marry me?

=====

And the letter i wrote her parents to ask for her hand... i think this might be a draft of it.. i forget which copy i took pictures of (my parents said my Chinese is totally chicken-scratch and 2nd grade language =[):

Thankful..

Many things to be thankful for this Easter...

Done . i still can't get past how faithful He's been these past 5 yrs... God is good.

If anyone wants to come to my thesis defense (its open to the public), it'd be my privilege and honor to share what God's allowed me the privilege to do for the past 5 yrs.. 12 hrs a day... in my windowless lab =P

Friday 3/28 - 9:30am (presentation should only be an hr... then its just me and my thesis committee) @ CII 4003. Free donuts =P

The GOD who wants MORE for His children...

Tonight my coservant and I were preparing for Bible study with this week?s passage on Mark 5:21-43. The passage begins with a synagogue ruler, Jairus, coming before Jesus begging Him to go heal his daughter who was sick. Jesus agrees but along the way, He is touched by a woman who?d been bleeding for 12 years. When she touched his cloak, she was immediately healed and Jesus calls her out saying it was her faith that healed her. As they finish up, some men come from the house of Jairus saying that his daughter is dead and that they shouldn?t bother Jesus anymore. Jesus responds ?Don?t be afraid; just believe? and proceeds (over the laughing and mocking crowd) to raise Jairus? daughter from the dead.

After we read through the passage, we went as usual through our preparation process, going back and fourth sharing things that hit us, coupled with real world examples by building off of each other and about halfway through, I had one of those moments where I felt God speak so directly to me:

In both these cases, someone came to Jesus WITH faith that He could do something. In both these cases, it would have been a sufficient story had the woman left completely healed (without being called out) and the man?s daughter been completely healed (without her dying). In BOTH cases, the condition of faith (Jesus coming through for them) would have been satisfied? but, our God wants more. You see, in BOTH the examples, BOTH people come to Jesus WITH FAITH (they believed He could do something)? and God SEEs that faith and is pleased? but? He INJECTS situations into their lives such that they leave with EVEN GREATER faith.

For the bleeding woman, she put faith in Jesus to heal her? she?d been content with just physical healing? but Jesus CALLS her out? the response we see from her in v33 is that she came to him with much FEAR and TREMBLING. This was a woman who?d been bleeding for 12 years? a woman who by ceremonial standards was UNCLEAN and UNFIT to touch anyone? she was so content with merely being healed, but God wanted more.. Jesus wanted to show her that He was a God of peace ? a God that separates based on faith rather than on physical cleanliness? and I bet her life was never the same again.

For the synagogue ruler? he?d heard Jesus could heal? and he came to Jesus IN FAITH? but God INJECTS a problem (his daughter?s death)? this problem was compounded by many around him telling him ?not to bother the teacher anymore? (v35) and laughing at the notion of raising her from the dead (v40). God wanted more.. Jesus wanted to show him that He was not only the God who could heal, but the God who had power over death too.

You see, God SEES where we?re at in our faith? and He?s pleased with it? but He wants more. When we COME to Him IN FAITIH, He INJECTS issues and problems and conditions for EVEN GREATER FAITH DEVELOPMENT? so that afterwards, our faith is never the same? we are never the same. As I sat there thinking about that, I was just soo floored by how amazing our God is? He?s just soooo awesome.

Many of you know that in early December, after praying about various directions God wanted me for the future, I had the chance and privilege to interview at what I consider one of my dream jobs. I?d entered the job/postdoc search with FAITH trusting that God would provide a place where I could really grow and picture Christ? and for me, it seemed as though everything was pointing in this direction. The interview went extremely well and I received a call the next morning saying that they were very interested and after contacting my references, I should have an official offer within the week. At this point, I was pretty sure this is where God wanted me to be and had God given me that ?official job offer? answer right away, I think the condition of faith would have been met: He provided a job doing great research, working with top people, and being able to involved with students and having a lot of flexible time to serve at church.

But? He wanted more for me?

The one week turned to weeks and months of going back and fourth figuring out issues with obtaining a security clearance (I?m a dual Taiwan and US Citizen) and in the end, I had to make a choice: keep my Taiwan citizenship (which I believed God wanted me to do), or give up the job (the job which I believed God wanted me to go to too). In the end I wrote back saying that if I had to give up my citizenship as a prerequisite to accepting the offer, I would have to decline the offer? it was a difficult decision and a stepping out in faith. Praise God He worked things out (and is still working things out)? but I was thinking about that? He could have very easily given me the job after a week? the end result would have been the same: me working at the place He wanted me to work? but? He wanted more.

He SAW my FAITH? and INJECTED a situation such that I would leave with an EVEN GREAT faith in an EVEN BIGGER God. He wanted me to leave more in AWE of Him? He wanted me to leave absolutely dependent on Him? and as I look back on the whole process, there were so many issues of pride, greed, self reliance, patience He wanted to deal with before I even started working.

When I sit back and think about that, I?m just amazed. Who woulda thought that when we come to God in faith, He injects even more difficulties such that our faith grows! He doesn?t want us to leave with the same faith? but He wants us to grow!! What can I say but that God is amazing!! I?m no longer afraid of problems that come? more than anything else, I want to grow in faith in a BIG God. He is able. He is willing? all glory to Him alone!

Revival 2007

Revival 2007

Revival for me this year was in one word: REFRESHING! Its interesting because everytime, its usually AT revival that i get broken and challenged.. and then i can enjoy the rest of revival and get blessed.. this year, being broken and challenged started BEFORE revival at grad Bible study. I'd been struggling a lot with certain things that i'd failed in in the past year and really having a hard time because my mind kept on going back and dwelling on it. During our Bible study, we studied 1 Corinthians 3 where Paul addresses the Corinthians as infants and worldly. I was reminded of something someone shared before: "babies are cute... but imagine a 21 yr old acting like a baby!" It really hit me... there's so much that needs to change and be refined in my life... lack of maturity is what causes soo much problems in the body... and i can choose to let the failures drag me down.. or i can choose to grow through them. I remember thinking "There's no way i'm gonna let this chance to grow go to waste! There's no way i'm gonna be a baby at 26! I WANNA GROW!!"

It's so interesting because all the messages this year were geared toward failure and how God sees it and uses it. The first night, Pastor Seth talked about how God's power is made perfect in our weakness.. and its IN our failures and weaknesses that HE shines the most. Pastor Paul talked about how God loves us.. even when we're messy and that if we really understood the gospel, we'd understand that yes we'll fail, yes we'll mess up, yes we'll feel guilty about it... but IN CHRIST, as we come to Him, there's no shame. He gave an example of his son learning potty training and him reminding him: daddy loves you.. even when you're messy. If God sees the worst of us, and still loves us, shouldn't there be such a sense of security and peace? If daddy loves us, why do we care so much what the mailman thinks? If God loves us unconditionally, why do we care so much about what others think! Looking back, i'm so thankful for the failures and struggles. God knows exactly what i need to grow.. to mature.. to be the man He wants me to be... and instead of seeing them as minuses.. i SOO just wanna grow! Lord help me to grow!!

I think what made revival 10x better, was meeting up with people and gleaning insights from them and sharing what God's been doing in our lives with them.. one of the things i miss most being here at RPI is having older people around to rebuke and challenge me. I feel like i have so much to learn... even just spending time with some people my year... i feel like they've grown so much in insight, perspective, and heart... and i was so challenged even by the things they were sharing about their failures, small group, etc. I'm just so hungry to grow... whatever failures come, whatever struggles come, i wanna grow!!

Some memories/highlights from the trip:

- Walking into Follinger auditorium a bit sad not really knowing a single person... and then starting worship with "Everlasting God"... things will change, people will change, situations will change, lifestyle will change... but GOD is the EVERLASTING, UNCHANGING God. Thank YOU Jesus!
- BTF with Danny till the wee hours of the night every night. I realize i have really weird preferences =P
- Seeing Ms. Kim at Servant's meeting and watching her eyes light up and say "WELCOME HOME!"
- Helping to usher a new generation of fatboys... introducing pokey sticks to some youngins =]
- Sharing heart for grad ministry with JT
- Meeting up with TTHA, Danny, P Joe, MiRyung, Steve... finally getting Alexanders after 6 yrs :)... and just getting blown away by the things they shared... these guys are so veteran its not even funny... even one liners challenge me so much.
- CCCNJ/CLG/Livingstone lunch reunion - God's been faithful and continues to be faithful. More workers!!
- Meeting up with fellow nerds and dorks for lunch =P
- *coercing* Jin to take an ECE picture with us =P
- Briefly catching up with tons and tons of people at Golden Wok
- Taking a nice nap at Grainger like the good ol days =P
- Walking around campus and just getting a thick sense of God's presence..
- Seeing a new generation of workers being raised up to be soldiers for Christ!

Ok now for some pictures =]

Ah... Grainger engineering library... oh the countless hours slaving away... sleeping on the plushy couches... the nights doing problem sets in the study rooms. How i miss thee oh Grainger =P. I had a chance to take a nap there one of the afternoons... just like the good ol times :)

Debra Woods.. my boss at Math Teacher Link (MTL) where i worked my undergrad days... its funny because every year i stop by and every year she's not in... but i finally caught her! I'm always so thankful because of the fun and challenging work i had while at MTL =P

Perhaps only those who've gone through ECE at UIUC can truely appreciate this picture. Welcome to my second home...

I was adopted by Danny's SG this time out again.. we were quite shocked that most of them had not been exposed to the wonders of POKEY STICKS.. this was probably one of the single most contributing factors to my freshman 20 in college =P

Everytime i think of these guys, my heart gets all mushy and thankful. I remember my first year here being the only one... now look at how God's been faithful. Be trained! Be equipped! and GO!

Quite an unexpected lunch... but i don't think many people understand what a POWERHOUSE picture this is... in this table you have people who've been involved in sermon taping/copying, web development (design/backend), server maintenace (email etc.) of almost every major conference (jgen, oil, etc.), missions groups and missionaries, and churches associated with CFC and CFC alum. It's so funny that halfway through our lunch, we just broke out in NERD-talk... talking about better ways to implement things etc etc. go figure =P

I think i'm going to start an album with these pictures... haha.. MAD PROPS to anyone that finishes ECE at UIUC. I think this was probably one of the most humbling few years of my life... coming into U of I having taken 11 AP exams and thinking "man i'm hot stuff".. and then finding out that most of the ECE people came in with junior standing... taking calculus their freshman year of HS... slaving away at problem sets for ONE class for 20 hrs a week.. and then sitting there the night before it was due at 4am and realizing that i only had part of question 1 done... and sitting there and crying... oh the horror stories. But once a UIUC ECE.. always a UIUC ECE!! =P

thank you. 8 yrs of God's faithfulness and provision. keep faithful bro.

During one of the nights we were hanging out with Danny's small group, he got all serious and put us on the spot "so... as alumni, what are some things you can share with the youngins about life after college?".. i totally froze.. not sure what to share. Later that night i was thinking about it:

While i was at U of I with CFC, alumni used to come back and tell us "make the most of your time here.. don't let it go to waste!" I used to think that "making the msot of your time" meant goign to all the meetings, "getting trained" in thigns like small group ministry, etc... but more and more i'm realizing that although those things are elements of it... the one thing i miss the most about CFC is seeing an abundance of hearts sold out for Christ.. willing to do whatever for Christ. I realize that "making the most of your time" doesn't mean attend more meetings... or learn the process of leading small group... etc. i think a lot of that stuff can be learned elsehwere... but that it meant "look at the hearts of people"... see their passion for Christ and hope in Him.. and though they fail, still strive to grow through everything. It is my prayer for all those still around.. that they would "make the most" of their time at CFC. It's such a special place and i'm so thankful for the work God's doing there and doing through there.

Comin' down for CFC Revival

I'll be comin to U of I for CFC Revival this Thurs morning till Sun afternoon. If you'll be in town and free for a meal, i'd love to meet up! Please let me know! bownan@gmail.com =P

Thursday, October 04, 2007

what would i do without phdcomics.. =d

My friend Tim Hsieh posted an article on his xanga lately that i thought was a pretty interesting read. It's a bit long, but funny and insightful not just in the area it addresses...  

ORIGINAL INQUIRY
THIS APPEARED ON CRAIG'S LIST

What am I doing wrong?


Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy. I'm not from New York. I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don't think I'm overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200 - 250. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won't get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?
Here are my questions specifically:
- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms
-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won't hurt my feelings
-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)?
- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I've seen really 'plain jane' boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What's the story there?
- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?
- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY

Please hold your insults - I'm putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front about it. I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.

* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 432279810

THE ANSWER

Dear Pers-431649184:

I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament. Firstly, I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a cr@ppy business deal. Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity...in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold...hence the rub...marriage. It doesn't make good business sense to "buy you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease. In case you think I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It's as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage. Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful" as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation. With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way. Classic "pump and dump." I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.

the Light at the end of the tunnel

In the midst of transfering my 60GB of pictures to an external harddrive last night, i came across quite a bit of unexpected files long since forgotten... old letters that i had written, saved AIM conversations from highschool... as little by little, i started reminiscing and pouring through old mission videos, class night presentations and the like... i couldn't help but get a sense of thankfulness at how God's been faithful in my life through the years. Has it already been 4 years since college and 8 years since highschool? So much has changed... and yet so much has stayed the same.

As many of you know, i had my candidacy exam last week... one of the last big hurdles before finishing up grad school... Lord willing, by this time next year, i'll be done. As i look back, all i can see is God. He's been the main character all along. My one joy, hope, and passion, is to be spent and fully spent for Christ and Christ alone.

I had to make some posters for a presentation this week... so without further adieu, may i present a summary of my research thus far:

LEARNING HOW TO DRAW LINES:

LEARNING HOW TO DRAW LINES... after having too much to drink:

(and... coming soon)

LEARNING HOW TO DRAW LINES... in your mind :)

After being inspired by my cousin Lily, i too, have finally put up a research website just incase you REALLY and i mean REALLY want to read all 100 or so pages of my candidacy proposal (like my sister =P): http://networks.ecse.rpi.edu/~bownan

Don't get all excited now =]

Rejected.

It happens in the life of every grad student.. some more often than others. Some take it harder than others.. some pretend it never happened and continue to live in denial.. some point fingers at the reviewers for simply not understanding...

yes...

today for the first time ever...

i.. "got my paper back". Rejected. Game over. No soup for me.

They say the first rejection is the hardest.. but i've been told it gets easier as time goes on and that i should expect on average 50% rejection... (hard to believe since most of the people in my lab come out with 7-8 publications)... seems a bit surreal.. one moment you're on top of the world.. pumping publications.. thinking you got this "grad school" thing down.. planning your future.. sprucing up your resume.. next thing you know, your work is stalled, you need to backtrack.. fix.. re-run simulations.. resubmit elsewhere.. a lower tier conference perhaps.

I have to admit that at first i was a bit sad... we'd worked a year on this paper.. missed several deadlines for submitting to other conferences.. but then looking back, i'm thankful.. thankful for the opportunities God's given me to even send to and attend these conferences.. thankful for a great professor that really bends over backwards to train and take care of me.. thankful for brilliant colleagues to work (and in this case, commiserate) with.. and thankful that my God always knows exactly what i need. Rejection is never easy, but the lessons learned in this and every rejection are worth it... whatever can get me closer to God. New opportunities will come, but i wouldn't trade times of dependence like these for anything.

We (from my lab) submitted 4 papers to this conference and all of them came back.. so.. with that, the rest of this entry is dedicated to my labmates/colleagues (fellow peons under our fearless professor) who always makes things fun and interesting in the Networks Lab:

i present to you.. Shiv's Drone Army

Vijay Subramanian - Craig Patridge from BBN (they invented the internet) said once .. and i quote.. "we are ready to pay anyone a BILLION dollars to come up with an all-purpose TCP that works in wireless, dialup, satellite links, and normal wired links". TCP is the work-horse of the internet.. nothing would be possible without TCP.. it is the root of all "best-effort" evils that exist in today's internet. Vijay is that man.. his work on LT-TCP and LL-HARQ .. both patent pending, will provide higher bandwidth to wireless and high loss environments. In short, he's reinventing your internet!

Vicky Sharma - Also known as "Mr. Analysis" for his quick thinking and ridiculous skills in all things Stoch as seen by his TOPPING of the ECSE doctorate qualifier exams, Vicky's claim to fame is writing on our advisor's Christmas card a one liner: "thanks for the food. - Vicky". Vicky works on multi-path TCP. Imagine sending a letter from NJ to Cali and instead of it getting sent via one carrier, someone takes the letter, chops it up into a million pieces and sends each piece on different routes.. and at the end, someone in Cali rejoins all the pieces... and they can do this without recieving all the pieces. This is what "Mr. Analysis" does.

Hsin-Yi Shen - Hsin-Yi is our resident expert in all things physical layer (antenna, line coding stuff). Not only can she create powerpoint presentations faster than any of us but she has a knack for actually being "on-task" and hardworking. Hsin-Yi's research area is in asynchronous cooperative MIMO... you know all those routers that you buy (802.11n) with the multiple antennas that are supposed to make your bandwidth jump from 11Mbps to 5000000 Mbps? Yah.. her research makes you be able to do that with just one antenna. Cool stuff.

Quite a few brilliant minds churning away in our windowless lab... you might be wondering.. "with all these smart people doing all this really cool research, what does Bow-Nan actually do? It must be really cool!!! He must've upgraded from making pringles can antennas all day!!"

Well. . . . . . . .

i draw lines. lots of them. sometimes with straight edges, sometimes just in my mind, and sometimes after i haven't gotten much sleep =P. lines are what i do best =]

Hope in Christ

I really hate doing this on xanga, but its been so hard to keep track of who's where these days.. but i'll be traveling a bit this summer to places i rarely (gasp) go and i'd definitely like to meet up for a meal/tea/coffee if you're free... and if any of you in the CA area wanna house me, i'll buy you some yummy food? =P just send me an email (bownan@gmail.com) or leave a comment.

- June 10-13 - Princeton, NJ (only free after 5pm)
- August 7-8 - Los Angeles area, CA
- August 8-10 - San Jose area, CA
- August 10-12 - San Francisco area, CA
- Sept 10-14 - Raleigh, NC (only free after 5pm)

On the subject of catching up with people, i can't believe its already been 4 yrs since i graduated from college.. and 8 yrs since HS! It's ridiculous how time flies... looking back, i see so many changes and how God's challenged and grown me not only as a person, but in my walk with Him. I met up with an old friend today and we were talking about responsibility and he shared how in college he always had a "minimal-work" mentality and did just enough to "get by"...but nowadays, he's filled with such an urge to "make something of his life"... work is not for the money, but he wants to do something that counts.

As we reminisced about the past and talked about the present, i couldn't help but feel a bit uneasy... hearing stories of how corrupt the corporate world is, how marital unfaithfulness is the norm, and how the girl he's living with now wants to get married but he doesn't... all these things really made me a bit sad. Is this the kind of world that awaits after the "college-bubble"? Is this the lifestyle that people consider the norm?

He then said something that's been ringing in my head all day.. he said "Bow-Nan, you're an idealist.. and i don't mean to offend you, but the only way someone can be an idealist in this world is in religion". At the time, i responded pretty defensively that there's a difference between being idealistic and not practical, and optimistic, understanding the situation, but being faithful step by step... but the more i thought about it throughout the day, i realized in many ways, he's right. The world we live in is so fallen that apart from Christ, there IS nothing to hope in. But with Christ, all things are possible: with Christ, there is hope to make an impact in corporate america with integrity.. with Christ, there is hope for a healthy family.. with Christ, i can look forward to the best that is to come. Be faithful step by step, but be hopeful because Jesus is bigger than all these things.

Commitment

Thanks for your prayers everyone.. everything is a bit better.. but keep on praying!! only a few days left!

Today my grandpa took me and my grandma to the hot springs here in Taiwan.. while i was standing under the waterfall enjoying the weather and massage, i glanced over and caught my grandpa helping my grandma down some stairs (i guess she needed to go the restroom). That got me thinking a lot... as many of you know, my grandpa isn't the most easiest person to get along with.. and the relationship him and my grandma have is far from what one would say is a "good relationship".. they rarely talk and in many ways, its more "conflict avoidance" than anything else.. but... just that simple action really hit me.. to be 80 yrs old.. and yet still care for someone who you were arranged to marry - its a level of commitment i don't think our generation understands. There's so much that i still need to learn...

And with that... i leave you with something only those who've been to taiwan can understand =]

I wish i could take this home... MMMmmmmm.. soo good.